liquid cowardice
by WednesdaySnow
Summary: Gruvia. Please tell me that this could be easy, I'm tired of waiting for permission to love. [Gray, Juvia & 5 different drinks: gin, tequila, beer, champagne & cosmo]


**a/n:** I haven't written in…ages? I tried.

Listen to this song **"Under the Table" by BANKS** as you read. Might have to replay a few times, but do it. Direct link is also on my profile.

Go to youtube /watch?v=M-IscvfT5Mk

* * *

 **liquid cowardice**

 _(please tell me that this could be easy)_

* * *

 **1\. gin**

 **night after Fantasia Parade**

 _(it's already started, I tried to stop it, but I already know)_

...

Cana's advices were always bad. Bad, bad, _bad_ , with a capital B and in all italics.

But no one had yet to warn Juvia, who was listening intently to Cana's every word with eager, innocent eyes. Still a newbie, no more than a month since her joining, Juvia couldn't suspect that she was nothing but fresh prey—especially when Cana had such a delicious bait.

"So that's all Juvia has to do to be close to Gray-sama?"

"Yup."

"Then Juvia will do it."

"Good girl," Cana smirked, licking her lips clean of the gin she had been enjoying. _Too easy,_ she thought, as she motioned for Mira.

"Mira, get me a clean glass," Cana grinned at Juvia, "you're about to taste virgin Martini— _de-virginized._ "

Juvia's head was spinning.

No, no, she might actually have been spinning, but she had to stop, she had to walk over to Gray-sama. But he made her spin anyways, didn't he? Pull her in with his gravity and turn her into a satellite, and render her incapable of escaping her orbit.

Well, she was about to finally penetrate the stratosphere and crash onto the earth.

Juvia wobbled over from the bar to Gray's rowdy table, where he and Natsu were starting another round of shots.

 _You can do it you can do it you can do it—_

"May Juvia join?" she said, trying to nonchalantly slide—stumble—into the seat next to Gray.

Gray raised a brow. "You got a glass?"

Juvia held up her own little shot glass with a shy grin, courtesy of her little session with Cana at the bar. The dark haired man shrugged, his usual rigid attitude softened by the celebration.

"Didn't know you drank," he said, but nonetheless poured Juvia her share, and bottoms up they went.

…and another round, and another.

Through the buzz building in her head, Juvia repeated Cana's words—

 _Just act drunk and get a little physical. He won't care._

Gray burst out laughing at a joke Natsu made, a light sway in the way he threw his head back. This may be her chance.

 _Get physical? How physical?_

Scrutinizing his features for any change in his merry state, Juvia slowly began sliding closer on the bench. She watched her own arm approach his very, very toned sides, and Juvia's heart pounded at her throat.

 _Just do it just do it just do it just do it_

"Juvia."

She jumped, dismayed at being caught in her act, and all the blood she had been suppressing surged to her cheeks in embarrassment.

"Y-yes?"

 _Oh my god Gray-sama is staring at Juvia, he's looking right at her—_

Gray gave a sloppy grin, obviously intoxicated by the booze and the mirth around them. "We looked good tonight, yeah? At the parade."

Juvia froze, and Gray poured them a glass full. He raised his, waiting.

"Yes," Juvia squeaked. They silently clinked their glasses, just the two of them this time.

In the process of their ( _brief but intimate—Juvia could call that intimate, right?_ ) exchange, Gray had inadvertently moved closer. And when he had turned back to face Natsu, his and Juvia's arms were brushing against each other.

She swore she could feel his heat on her skin through her clothes. Gray didn't make an attempt to move away. They were _touching_ , and Gray didn't mind.

 _Just act drunk and get a little physical. He won't mind._

Throughout the night, even as alcohol slowly replaced the content of their bloodstreams and neither could pour a drink without spilling over, she never lost contact with him.

And Gray just _let her sit close._

Indulging in Gray's lowered inhibitions, Juvia had long converted to Cana's religious worship of alcohol by the end of the night. And when he sloppily leaned against her just a little—to keep himself upright—Juvia wished time would stop.

Tomorrow morning, she would resume her orbit. She would return to her place behind the pillars, light years away but still bound by his gravity.

...

"I told her to act drunk, not _get drunk_ ," Cana clicked her tongue in amusement.

...

Cana told the worst advice. Poisonous advice. Some days, Juvia counted down the hours the sun touched the earth, waiting for evening to settle, for someone to crack open the first bottle.

* * *

 **2\. tequila**

 **some time before S-Class Trials**

 _(you are something I should do without but I won't)_

...

It burnt her throat, hotter than she could ever make her sierra. No, not burnt—it stung.

Juvia bit her lips, letting the acid rot her esophagus and mingle with her stomach fluid. She cringed.

 _Why does Juvia even drink tequila?_

Her answer sat on her left; Gray grunted as he wiped his lips with the back of his right and hastily licked the salt off of his left hand. Juvia's breathe hitched, eyeing how his tongue darted out, gathered the grains of sodium and left a trail of saliva. She heard no sound but the wet movement of his lips and her pounding heart.

 _Oh my._

"Juvia, you gonna lick that?" Gray pointed at the salt on her knuckle.

 _Gray-sama could lick it for Juvia, then he could lick if off of her—_

"Oi, Juvia," he broke her out of her trance, "you still here?"

"Present," Juvia said. The noise returned. Her brain finally registered the bitter taste, and she quickly sucked the salt with a cringe as their guild mates broke into a hearty laughter over her antics. They all knew how her mind could go places in a matter of seconds.

The dark haired boy raised a brow, but soon cracked a grin. Juvia blushed. And that's just how they were.

Like a routine, the laughter and insults and drinks ( _oh man, the drinks)_ repeated until the world paid them little attention and naturally she found them shoulder to shoulder. Except she didn't remember sliding closer.

Hands brushing. Arms touching.

Juvia let the dizziness in her head take lead. Sloppily resting her head on Gray's strong shoulder, she closed her eyes and gently nuzzled with a content sigh.

"Hey," Gray, in a moment of sobriety, tried to nudge her away. "Juvia?"

"Grmm..hm..."

He sighed at her drowsy murmur, and let her be. Juvia's lips curled into a pleased grin.

* * *

 **3\. beer**

 **Grand Magic Games, Day 3, Fairy Tail's Inn**

 _(I'm under the table, just keep wishing I'll come out but I don't)_

...

Juvia disliked beer.

" _Enjoying beer is a social construct," Cana said once, as she chugged a keg of dark ale, "and I'm just another victim to social conditioning."_

She couldn't agree more.

Beer didn't sting or burn. It settled heavily in her stomach and weighed her down. But Juvia didn't want that. She wanted to spin, to reach a high deliriously far from the earth and revel in the exhilaration of irrationality. She lived on the border between fantasy and reality, and alcohol made the trip to and from so easy.

Beer made her full, and she hated it.

"To Fairy Tail!" Erza announced, _for the tenth time tonight_ , and Juvia mimicked her guild mates in a cheer, politely sipping the white foam in her mug.

However, despite the lack of hard liquor, she launched her imagination through the roof when Gray stepped up to barrel surf.

 _He was her one-way ticket to the stars_.

Gray jumped onto a wooden board with a grin, and when he flung his coat off in the process, _as per usual_ , Juvia's insides lurched. He managed to make her head feel light, every single time.

"Gray-sama looked so great!" she giggled when he returned to their table.

"Yeah, well, but I'm not doing that again," Gray said as he rubbed his freshly bruised shoulder.

Caught up in her excitement, she reached for his arm, but he swiftly escaped. Her mood lost its fuel and crashed into the ground, and Juvia reached for her mug to swallow her disappointment.

Beer tasted like reality, and Juvia disliked it.

Gray sat down next to her regardless, and resumed an animated conversation with Cana. Juvia eyed the distance between her and Gray on the bench.

 _Closer closer just a little closer_

She bit her lips.

 _Not tonight, he won't let Juvia tonight, because Juvia doesn't have an excuse and he knows_ —

But as she observed the way Cana teased Gray and they bickered, Juvia smiled softly. She felt at ease sitting there nursing her ( _useless, heavy, filling_ ) beer like an old friend, as if she had always belonged here with them, here right by his side.

"Cana, you're so full of shit," Gray chuckled, "Juvia, you can't seriously be listening to the shit coming out of this chick's mouth, are you?"

"Of course, Gray-sama."

Cana rolled her eyes. "Gray, you asking Juvia anything is fucking cheating."

Gray laughed as he clinked his mug with Juvia's, and Cana followed suite. His laughter, his eyes, his everything tickled Juvia's heart, but this time she suppressed the urge to swoon. She drank him in as she sipped her beer.

* * *

 **4\. champagne**

 **Grand Magic Games, celebration at the palace**

 _(heart break is your game but I'm learning)_

...

She had expected him to dodge.

Juvia knew the rules, the conditions under which she could—and _has_ —make physical contact with him. Much to her distaste, the only thing people were intoxicated by tonight was victory.

But a part of her had hoped. After having tasted his skin on hers when all her senses were awake, it was inevitable to hope. The warmth of his hand in hers had felt better than she had ever imagined.

 _Greedy, greedy, Juvia's heart is being greedy_

She was quick fall into distress, but quick to recover. Her champagne heart revived the instant it died, a continuous cycle of bursting and bubbling. And though champagne turned flat once the carbon dioxide ran out, her heart couldn't run out of love.

 _She couldn't run out of love, but couldn't she run out of time?_

Her hand itched to reach out to him again. For once, Juvia wanted to confirm reality—just one touch, to make sure he wouldn't burst and disappear, to make sure she wasn't walking in a dream.

When the orchestra struck up an upbeat tune and couples began occupying the dance floor in a waltz, Juvia channeled her desires into courage.

"Would Gray-sama join Juvia for a dance?"

"I don't dance."

She mustered a smile.

 _Bubble, pop, bubble, pop—_

"Then would you allow me the honor?" Lyon emerged.

Caught in the split second before her heart recovered, Juvia politely accepted.

The white haired man led her to the floor, and pleasantly surprised her when he proved to be a decent dancer. Her movement grew fluid as their steps synchronized, until Lyon spun them around and she caught sight of Gray dancing with Erza.

— _bubble, pop, bubble, pop_ —

Juvia excused herself when the song ended and the crowd adjusted to switch partners. From behind a pillar, she watched Gray dance with ( _step on_ ) Lucy, then Wendy, then Mirajane, then Lucy again.

— _bubble pop bubble pop bubble pop bubble pop bubble pop bubble pop—_

Gray kept looking over Lucy's shoulder and for an instant, his eyes met Juvia's.

— _bubble_ —

She ducked and hid herself.

 _Juvia has also held hands with Gray-sama, she has laced fingers with Gray-sama, she has shared magic with Gray-sama._

At the moment, his hand held all the hands that weren't hers.

— _pop_.

She needed a drink. Everything was so much easier ( _everything hurt less_ ) when they all had a drink.

 _Juvia sounds like Cana-san_ , she mused as she walked towards a waitress holding a tray of vino spumante.

...

"Lucy, have you seen Juvia?" Gray asked as the music died down.

"I think I saw her head to the bar with Cana. Why?"

Gray shrugged.

* * *

 **5\. cosmopolitan**

 **back home in Magnolia**

 _(won't you be my problem, it's okay with me if it hurts)_

...

"Please treat Gray-sama well."

"Juvia, you know Gray and I aren't like that," Lucy frowned.

"Juvia is _not_ giving love rival permission to steal Gray-sama," Juvia huffed, "she just thinks Lucy-san should be nicer to him."

Pursing her lips, she contemplated the cosmo that Mirajane had set down for her and Lucy. The sweet concoction inside the martini glass bore an enticing rosy shade, looking as inviting as a pair of glossy lips.

 _A lovely drink for the lovely ladies,_ Mirajane had said with a wink.

Juvia scoffed.

She had witnessed the signs at the games: the way Gray jumped into the ring during Naval battle, the way he trusted ( _left_ ) Juvia to hold her own during the dragon battle while he sprinted towards the castle.

 _Only for Lucy._

There was no doubt about it: Juvia was no lady, not in Gray's eyes.

 _If Gray-sama treats Lucy-san like a lady, she should at least treat him like the gentleman he is._

"Like a what?" Lucy inquired.

Oh. Juvia had to stop thinking aloud.

"Come on Juvia, talk to me," Lucy coaxed, picking up her glass, "cheers?"

It was pink, as pink as her favorite umbrella and as lovely as all the frilly, lacy, pretty little things Juvia loved to collect. But she didn't _want_ pretty little things, she wanted to _be_ a pretty little thing.

 _Like Lucy._

"It doesn't suite Juvia," she hesitated. "Juvia is not a lovely lady."

"Why would you say that?"

"Gray-sama doesn't think so."

Lucy smiled. "I think you should be more confident."

"Juvia is already confident about her love for Gray-sama," she snapped.

"No, I mean with yourself," Lucy said, taking Juvia's hand in hers and gently wrapping her fingers around the delicate neck of the martini glass. "I think you're plenty lovely."

They sipped. The drink felt sweet on Juvia's tongue, yet her throat stung.

"Will it hurt less," Juvia said, "if Juvia learns to be more confident with herself?"

 _She will continue to be brave and love—_

"Of course."

— _and hurt._

The two finished the rest of their drinks. The moment the empty glasses touched the table, a tipsy Natsu stormed by and whisked Lucy away to his table. The blonde gave Juvia an apologetic look as she chastised Natsu, and Juvia smiled.

Then Lucy stumbled on a stray beer bottle, and Gray caught her by the arm.

Juvia's throat constricted.

 _It doesn't suite Juvia after all_.

She ordered a dry martini to cleanse her mouth of any remaining sweetness.

* * *

 **.bathroom break.**

 **...**

"Gray, please stop confusing her."

"Lucy, I gotta go piss."

She blocked the narrow hallway, steadying herself against the wall. "Not moving 'til you answer me."

"Unbelievable," he sighed. "So I'm the bad guy again, yeah?"

"No, you're not the bad guy. You're just a coward."

"…"

"I saw how you guys're sitting again. You know she's drunk. But that doesn't make anything less real for her."

"Lucy, you're tipsy."

"She's always hurting. I just want you to know."

"I know."

Lucy swayed past him.

"Then you are the bad guy."

* * *

 **.hangover.**

 **...**

Gray woke up on the wooden floor of the guild, with his throbbing head resting on someone's lap. And he didn't have to open his eyes to know whose.

He felt her shiver as a morning breeze swept by.

Stupid.

He stirred to get up, but when Juvia's hand gently comb through his hair, he kept still. Eventually her movement slowed, and she dozed off again.

"Stupid," he mumbled as he himself slipped back into slumber.

 _He was stupid._

* * *

 **0\. water**

 **the day he returned from Sun Village**

 _(I'm tired to waiting for permission to love)_

...

Shoulder to shoulder.

This was becoming too familiar a situation. Like a formula, given a particularly animated night of drinking, they always came to the same outcome.

Except tonight, Gray wasn't sure how much she had had. Juvia had been hanging out with Lisanna and Lucy until just now, but she had that silly grin on, sitting by his side. It was so difficult to gauge her sobriety sometimes, especially when she was in her wild, wild trance.

 _Stop confusing her._

What the hell was he supposed to do? Or _not_ supposed to do?

Just then, Juvia shifted to lean on his shoulder, and that's when he swiftly put up a hand to stop her head.

"Juvia," he said.

"Yes, Gray-sama?"

"You're drunk. Or like, I think you are."

She giggled. "Is that an issue?"

"Uh, yeah."

"Then is it okay to lean on Gray-sama if Juvia isn't drunk?"

He raised a brow.

"Juvia's been drinking water the whole night."

Gray stiffened, confused. "Oh."

 _Maybe she's been the brave one this whole time._

She carefully met his eyes, and indicated his wooden mug. "Has Gray-sama been drinking?"

Gray awkwardly grabbed the handle and gave the contents a swish.

"It's just water."

Now it was Juvia's turn to squeak in confusion. A brief silence passed, then Juvia hastily began removing herself.

"Juvia's sorry, she thought, well, since Gray-sama usually drinks that he'd be, oh he should've told Juvia no much earlier—" she ranted, until Gray gently grasped her wrist.

"It's uh, it's okay," he said, embarrassed. "I said I would say no to things I don't like, right? And I didn't. So it's okay."

He could see bewilderment in Juvia's eyes, but also hesitation from how she toyed with her skirt.

 _I bet she's about to go off into one of her crazy dreams_ —

Instead, Juvia Lockser remained composed. She cautiously moved along the bench, testing her waters.

 _Was it really okay?_

Watching the distance between them close, her heart pounded in her throat and she recalled the first time she tried to be physical with him.

Finally, their arms brushed, and Juvia's breathe hitched. They were _touching_ , and Gray didn't mind.

They sat shoulder to shoulder the whole night.

* * *

 _my heart could be yours, won't you make it your home_

* * *

 **a/n:** cosmopolitan (aka cosmo) is a cocktail with vodka, triple sec, cranberry juice and lime, usually served in a martini glass. Apparently a lot of chicks drink it. I'm usually for fruity or dirty martini, gin based.


End file.
